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The 10 things I wish I’d known BC (before children)’

Before the children there was a life and knowledge that was about to change forever

1. Sleep and Children

I wish someone had told me that surviving on limited sleep when you were partying up a storm was not the same with children. Never in a million years would I have believed them. Back then, before children, I could party and function on less sleep than the average navy seal. I could write posts and posts about the lack of sleep and how I understand what a “mumbie” is (mom-zombie). As I type this I feel like I need to write a eulogy to the sleep I have lost.

2. Styled by food and spit

As they enter this world it’s all about massive analysis as to what goes into their body, and what leaves their body. You will find that they will spit up, wipe their faces [especially their dripping noses] against your “cleanish” clothes, proudly stating “look mom no hands”. To food being spit chewed and played with somehow making its way to being an accessory. To the chocolate milk missing their mouth and dripping on to your chest, whilst you are talking to the prettiest put-together mom.

I have had many a “pretty women” moment walking into a store, getting the judgmental look from the shop assistant not sure if it could be the sour smell that announced my entry. Big mistake [get it?] on my part not changing or brushing my hair. I have yet to find the best colour to wear that will camouflage it all whilst all the while making me look stylish and in control.

Hot mess life after children

3. Parenting card and Blame

I refer to the first paragraph when Faithless – Insomnia brings on a whole new meaning – did they write it for all those sleep deprived parents? Once baby sleeps through and then regresses to waking up often during the night and then goes back to sleeping all night, you stay awake and worry. You are tired. Not wanting to meet your second, distant once-removed family reunion. Well yip you have the card and then you use it. Not feeling like going to work today. Pull the parenting card.

You pushing the trolley in a store and accidentally let out a stinky fart who do you blame… You gave them life the least they can do is take one for the team. Right?

I’m sure that this was in fact an ode to Parenting

4. Leaving the house

Before kids you just needed to worry about getting yourself well towards yourself. With kids … ah … picking up your handbag just isn’t a thing ever. You have to pack half your household when you leave the house, yes, even when popping out to the shops for bread. You will have to pack for every emergency or eventuality to happen. Therefore, should space ships arrive or should there be a world shortage of helium? No problem. I had it covered. I just found that there was never really much room in the car for the hubster and I and our things.

5. The meaning of Fun

This past week, my daughters had their school sports day and the joy of watching my girls sing and run their heart out brought the most insurmountable joy. Chatting to some of the other moms and having a laugh was just so much fun. Yes, I just wrote that school events can be fun. It doesn’t stop there, I have so much fun with my girls. Fun is watching a Disney Movie on a Sunday morning. Fun is the made-up shows and songs. It is also the moments of quiet after they have gone to bed.

6. PG Rated -Nursery Rhymes

Baby shark will get too much and then you will move onto another song that will stay with you and your family for hours, days and for weeks. You will find yourself being shocked at the lyrics and ineundos of songs, songs that you have sung at the top of your lungs in the past. You may find yourself tutting, “no, Nicki Minaj you simply do not sing those words around my girls, thank you very much!”. Your play list will never truly be your own again!

7. Feeding Time

You have to cook a lot and then be ready to deal with a child/ren whose tastebuds moods is there to define the very existence and confidence of even the most Master of Chefs. Then when you have managed to pick yourself up from the “food fight” that has just taken place it’s time to prep dinner. They never stop being hungry and at the same time they never really want to eat their food.

8. Sense of Humour

This is when you will and can relate to every parenting meme on the internet. You can plan your life on paper but then Children happen. You really need a sense of humour when it comes to parenting and children so if you don’t have one, do not worry you will get one very quickly.

Parenting memes are based on truth!

9. Love is more than a four letter word

I would like to state that just because I complain and dramatically sigh in my occasional Oscar winning performance as lead actress in the soapie #MOMLIFE. One thing I truly didn’t know before the children arrived, was the capacity to love unconditionally and be so full of joy at the smallest things.

10. Celebrating and Occasions

Keeping the magic alive well for me it makes it all worth it really. It is not about spending a ton of money on silly holidays and celebrations its about using your imagination at getting everyone involved. And yes its about spending money occasionally on some outfits or presents.

P.S. Standing on Lego really hurts! The hurt does not change before or after children.

Can I introduce you to some parents who have their own fabulously funny interpretations of Life BC – Before Children.

Tales from Mamaville

Twins Tantrums and Cold Coffee

Mom of Two Little Girls

A Life Just Ordinary

The Incidental Parent

Me, Them and the Others

The Desperate Housewife

The Mulberry Bush

Me, Annie Bee

You Have to Laugh

’10 Things I Wish I’d Known BC (Before Children)’

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